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I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die

My car's not a tree hugger, I'm drunk you idiot!

Beer -- Helping Ugly People Get Laid Since 1837

Rehab is for Quitters

I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.

Milk sucks, got beer?

1 Tequila 2 Tequila 3 Tequila Floor

Save a tree; eat a beaver.

A cat by any other name is still a furry little hairball that shits behind the couch.

Does this condom make me look fat?

If my dog had a face as ugly as your's, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!

I need someone really bad, are you really bad?

I used to wonder why God made ugly people, then I realized it was so people like me could get a good laugh.

Firefighters: we find them hot, and leave them wet!

Can I have your number, I'll call you when my dog is in heat.

Sweet guys open my heart, smart guys open my mind, but only fine guys can open my legs.

Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it back in.

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