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When Santa Gets Annoyed

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer.
Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care
specialist. How 'bout I send you a damn book so you can learn to read and
write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, pony, and a tuba.

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? What a fag name.



Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE Timmy


That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater again.



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our home?



First, stop calling yourself 'Marky.' That's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams!



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.



Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really, really want a fire truck this year.

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.


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