The Voodoo Dick!
A businessman, who would take extended business trips, was tired of his wife's extracurricular activities while he was away. So he decides to get her some "toys" to keep her occupied while he's gone.
He goes to an adult store, and strikes up a conversation with the old guy behind the counter, explaining his situation to him. The old guy says, "Well, we have all kinds of toys, vibrators, stimulators, but, I don't know of anything that could keep her busy for a month at a time. However, there is....... no, never mind." The businessman says, "What is it? Come on, tell me." The old guy says, "Well, there is the Voodoo Dick."
The old man reaches under the counter, and brings out an old wooden box with strange carvings on it. When he opened the lid, there was a very ordinary-looking vibrator inside, nestled in velvet.
The businessman says, "That looks like everything else you've got in the store. What's so special about that?" "Ah," the old man says, "but watch what it can do." The old guy points to the door and says, "Voodoo Dick, the door." The Voodoo Dick rose up out of the box, flew at the door, and started to screw the keyhole. After a few minutes, a long crack opened in the middle of the door from the forceful thrusts, and the old guy said, "Voodoo Dick, the box." The Voodoo Dick stopped, and floated back to settle in the box again.
The businessman was stunned. "It's perfect!" He decided to buy it, but the old guy said, "It's not for sale." After some discussion, they settled on a price of $700.00, and the businessman drove home to get ready for his trip.
Before leaving, he gave the Voodoo Dick to his wife. "Now, I don't want any of your boyfriends over here while I'm gone, so if you get horny, all you have to do is say, Voodoo Dick, my pussy, and it'll take care of you."
Sure enough, a few days after the man left, his wife was thinking about which guy to call when she remembered the Voodoo Dick. She took off her clothes, laid on the bed, and said, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy." The Voodoo Dick floated up out of the box, and flew at her crotch. The thrusts were like she had never felt before, and within a few minutes had several orgasms, but after the 5th one, she decided she had enough.
Unfortunately, her husband had forgotten to tell her how to stop it. She tried repeatedly to pull it out, as numerous orgasms left her limp as a dishrag. She finally decided she had to go to the hospital for help.
She got up, shakily put her clothes on, and got in her car. On the way to the hospital, a particularly intense orgasm ripped through her, and she swerved the car, almost hitting a telephone pole. A police cruiser noticed her car weaving all over the road, and he pulled her over.
The cop demanded to see her license, registration and insurance, and said to her, "Ma'am, how much have you had to drink tonight? I've been following you for 2 miles and you're all over the road."
The woman, lying weakly in the driver's seat says, "Oh no, Officer. I haven't had anything to drink. I have to go to the hospital because I have a Voodoo Dick stuck in my pussy that keeps making me cum and I can't get it out."
The cop just looks at her for a minute, and says, "Yeah, right. Voodoo Dick, my ass."
More Misc Jokes:Find the Way
Getting Off Drugs
Good News And Bad News
A Last Request
Bar Phrases (And Translations)